I am Barabbas...I am Saved.

It's Christmas night, technically it's 12:20 on the 26th, but who is getting technical? This Christmas has been a little different than most Christmas's in the past. Not only because my mother had the flu today and there was no snow and it was 40 degrees, but mostly because my heart wasn't as prepared for this Christmas as it should have been.  I realize that I am not the only busy person, and am no way, shape, or form trying to say that, but I have been so busy with everything going on in my life that I haven't even had time to think about Jesus' birth and what that means to me.  If I do have time to think about the "meaning of Christmas" it has been your basic, on the surface stuff-trying to find an important meaning for it in my life, but getting absolutely no where.  On Christmas eve, I had the intentions of getting out my bible and having some serious God time and reflection, but I got distracted. I had the same plan for all day today, but continued to get distracted and put it off.  Finally tonight, I felt so empty that out of desperation to feel something this Christmas, I opened my bible and am so thankful for what was shown to me on this night.  I decided to read Luke 1 & 2 (Christmas story) I thought it would be a great place to start to see if there was anything jumping off of the page at me.  But I got nothing.  Just the same story that I have heard year after year.  I started skimming through Luke and just like that, a verse did jump off the page at me.  But it wasn't something I would have expected to on Christmas.  Luke 23: 25 (Talking about Pontius Pilate's decision to crucify Jesus)  "He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, the one they asked for, and surrendered Jesus to their will".  After reading this, my thoughts went immediately back to Luke 2 where this innocent little baby boy was born into the world.  He had no worries or fears, just parents who loved him and heavenly father who had a great plan that would bring hope to the world.  Going forward 21 chapters to Luke 23, Jesus is still that same innocent man, fulfilling His father's plan for hope.  In verse 25, the people in the crowd decided that they wanted to release Barabbas, who was a murderer, and crucify Jesus, who was innocent of any crimes or sin.  I started thinking about how Jesus took Barabbas' spot to be crucified.  He saved him and traded spots with Him.  I am Barabbas-I don't deserve the fact that Jesus traded spots with me.  I am a sinner and I am so far from being perfect no matter how hard I try.  Jesus is perfect, He lived a perfect life, never sinning and always showing His Father's love to everyone he met, even though He faced the same trials that all of us face.  It is hard to think of that innocent little baby trading spots with me, even though I deserve death.  Just like Barabbas who deserved death since he was a criminal, but we get the joy in knowing that our Father sent his Son as an innocent baby to grow into an innocent man who would willingly take my place because He loves me and wants me to spend eternity with Him.  Jesus is my savior, and I am so blessed because of that, I get to have joy and be at complete peace because I know that nothing I can do can ever make my savior love me any less and that his sacrifice on the cross makes me whole and free.  I am so thankful for the hope and promise that Luke 2:11 brings to us  "Today in the Town of David,  a Savior has been born to You, He is Christ the Lord." We see this promise unfold in Luke 23 when Jesus takes the place of a sinner on the cross for all of our sins. It is hard to understand our Father's love for us that He would send His Son to this earth to live a life among sinners then die for us.  We will never be able to grasp how much He loves us, but I know that I feel so completely loved by Him and it is only a fraction of how much He loves us. What a great and amazing God that we serve.

Our Great God

First off, I just wanted to apologize for not blogging for a while, we have been extremely busy and I have honestly not had the time until today to sit down and write this.  We have less than 3 weeks of camp left and only have one day in between each camp.  Also, the interns are trying to spend as much time together as we can, so other than sleeping my 4-5 hours a night, and about 1 hour in the afternoon, I am not in my room unless I am hanging out with people.  This week Prairie Lakes Chuch in Cedar Falls/Osage/Waterloo brought a group down to BigStuf.  It is so exciting to see people from home and meet new people from the Cedar Valley that I didn't know before.  This week BigStuf splits up into two camps, one here in Panama City Beach with 1,500 students and a Conference at Daytona Beach with 3,500 students.  This means that our staff has to split up too, all of the core staff went to Daytona Beach and the people who were left here are the 17 interns, 2 intern leaders, 1 video director, 1 technical director, and 1 camp director.  Yep, that is 22 people running this camp, it is crazy!  So far, everything is going really well and there haven't been any major issues and anything that has happened, we have been able to handle it very well.  One of the biggest and most impactful nights is usually night four when there is extended worship, but last night was one of the best nights that we have had the whole summer! Jared Heard (the Speaker) asked students to stand up if they wanted to give their life to Christ, it was so amazing to see so many students stand up and then see the spirit lead as friends of the students prayed over them.  All of the interns heard so many stories of church group time being very intense and that God was doing great things.  I am excited for tonight which is the extended worship and I am excited to see how God is going to use tonight in the lives of the campers here.  Tonight I am on Camera 4, which is up on stage filming the drums, it will be a lot of fun to be on stage for tonights worship!

All my Fountains are in You

         Camp is starting again today after our week break, the first campers are already here and the question that was brought up to the intern team during our meeting today was “Are you ready”.   Scott Burks, the camp director had us all think about that question, are we ready for four more intense weeks of impacting the lives of over 5,000 students, are we ready to pour out everything that we have so that others can gain and the kingdom can be advanced, are we ready to do whatever it takes to make sure this camp runs flawlessly?   The easy answer that came to me was yes, that I am excited to be back in Panama City Beach at the Boardwalk Beach Resort with the people that I love, serving my King.  However, Scott brought up a great point, we have had a whole week off where we have gotten to rejuvenate and rest.  When we were in Atlanta for our week break the interns who were there went to Passion City Church and Northpoint Church, we had discussions of our faith and had heart to hearts, we got to have alone time with God and we really got poured into this past week.  It is easy to be here today and say that we are completely ready to take on these next four weeks because we have this adrenaline and energy of starting camp again, we have gotten more than enough sleep, and have had time to spend with God.  Scott said that we will be digging a well in our life and the well that we are digging needs to be in God and that we need to be dipping from God’s well not our own well.  We will not be fully renewed and alive if we are getting water from other wells such as family, friends, or even Christian speakers.  The only well that will help us to be fully renewed is from God and we need to spend time with him every day so we will not thirst or drink from the wrong well.  This brings me back to the title, while we were at Passion City church; they sang the song “All my Fountains” by Chris Tomlin.  It says:

Open the heavens
Come Living Water
All my fountains are in You
You're strong like a river
Your love is running through
All my fountains are in You

All of the interns became obsessed with this song and it is not a coincidence that this is what Scott touched on this morning.  I know that these next four weeks are going to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting but I know that the only way I am going to make it through is by leaning on God to give me the strength and endurance I need. 

           Like I talked about, we had a week off in Atlanta, it was so much fun to relax and get to know the interns who were there a lot better.  We stayed at Logan Mcelroy’s house, (fun fact: He was Fuzzy in the movie Rebound.  No joke. He signed a movie poster for me! )   Logan was an intern last year and is on staff doing lights this year, he is such a great friend!  His family is awesome; we ate the best food that we have eaten all summer.  The Boardwalk Beach Resort is definitely NOT known for their great food, that’s for sure.  We went to a Gwinnette Braves and Durham Bulls Triple A Baseball game, it was so much fun to be at a ballpark again!  It made me miss my family being there, because we always go to baseball games together, it also made me think of them because of the movie Bull Durham and of course when I told my brother, he sent me back a text with a movie quote which is not really appropriate to put on my blog.  Speaking of Jacob, I got to talk to him on the phone for the first time since May 16^th.  It was really fun to talk to him and yes, I am admitting this, I miss him and can’t wait to see him in August.    As long as I am admitting things, I am sad to say that I used the word y’all without realizing it at 4:30 in the morning, thanks to Alexa Behar’s picture message of me sleeping.  It is quite sad that I am falling into their trap, no worries I still say ‘pop’ and I say ‘roof’ and ‘root’ correctly!  (I never knew that there was another way to say those two words!)  On a more serious note, our team is really excited to be back here and ready to start.  Please be praying for all of us to make Konnektions with students that impact their life. 

Northern Girl turned South.

There has been a tradition of BigStuf interns moving to Atlanta at some point in their life after the internship is over.  I never thought I would fall into that trap, but yesterday may have changed my opinion on that, despite being made fun of for saying "pop, roof, root, and swoosh".  Seven of the interns are in Atlanta for our week break and it has been so relaxing.  Yesterday, we went to Passion City Church in Atlanta and the pastor of that church is Louie Giglio and worship is led by Chris Tomlin.  It was the most amazing church service that I have ever been to.  The Holy Spirt was really moving and all of us were so uplifted by it.  Because of this all of the female interns who are in Atlanta for the week, (Alexa, Courtney, Kelsey, Emily, and me) decided we are moving to Atlanta.  A few of them will be moving here within the next year or two, unfortunately I have about 4 more years of school..as of now I think God is calling me to be at UNI, but who knows in the future.  I, like a majority of the Christians in the world have heard the verse John 3:16 so many times in their life, that they probably don't think about what it actually means.  Louie talked about that verse yesterday and opened my eyes to what it is really saying.  God didn't just love the world, he SO loved the world and that if we believe in Him we won't perish, everybody dies, but if we believe in Him we won't perish but get to spend eternity with Jesus. 
Last week at camp was an amazing week, I really connected with a church from Pineville, Louisiana.  I got to know a lot of the girls and hung out with them unil 1:00 AM one night.  It was a lot of fun to get to know all of them!  All of us were extremely exhausted last week from having our fourth week of camp, so this break that we have now is very much needed.  I have had time to think about what I have learned and what I am going to change for the next half of the summer. I am really going to try to live in the now and not think about what is going to be happening.  I have learned that when you think about this moment, life slows down and you can enjoy every moment.  That is definitely what I need for the next half of the summer, because August 5th is going to come soon enough and then I will have to be split up from my BigStuf family.

Your Love Never Fails.

This past weekend has been really fun, but has also been pretty hard on me.  It was the first time I have been homesick all summer.  I wasn't that homesick, just kinda sad that I haven't seen my family or friends for so long, also that it was Sturgis Falls and it was my first time missing it in my whole life.  But I got more phone calls and texts from friends than I have all summer and it was great to know how loved I am.  My co-leader for CHAOS called and left a message that really uplifted me.  I got to talk to my friend Alex, who gave me a positive outlook on the rest of my summer which was much needed.  I also think I was sad this past weekend because it kind of hit me that this summer is flying by and I am going to have to leave my new family at the end of the summer.  I am trying to prepare myself that it is probably going to be some of the worst days of my life thus far, but that I have made so many great friendships and have been so blessed doing the work that God has called me to do.  Alex helped me realize that I still have a lot of time left down here.  Now to the exciting part of my weekend.  I got a tattoo.  I know what your thinking, Sarah, is such a rebel.  Yep, I am.  Just kidding, we had girls night with the interns, staff, and wives of the staff, it was a lot of fun.  We went out for dinner, then went to an ice cream/candy shop (I sadly couldn't get anything there because I gave up sweets for the summer) and all of us decided to get temporary tattoos.  The rest of the weekend, we just hung out at the pool, talked and played games. 
Another week of camp is here and all of the staff and interns are ready for another set of campers lives to be changed.  We found out this morning that we have 30 churches coming this week and 3 of the churches have had major tragedies in the past weeks and months.  One of the churches had one of their youth leaders committ suicide in January due to a couple of psychological disorders.  He was a father figure to a lot of the guys in that group.  A couple weeks ago a girl who went to one of the churches died in a motorcycle accident.  And last week, a girl and her mom were hit by a drunk driver, and this girls mom died.  She decided to come to camp this week still.  I am sure there are a lot of other things going on in students lives that we haven't heard about, but I just ask for you to be praying for these three churches youth groups as they are at camp this week.  Help them to know that God is embracing them and is here with His healing hand.  Help them to turn to Him in their time of hurting and that He is their rock that they lean on. 
Please be praying for the staff and interns this week.  Some of us have been feeling sick and worn down.  Please be praying for perserverance through this week even if we are tired.  Please be praying that with every student or leader we come into contact with we can have a God led conversation that will make a positive impact on their life. 

You are the potter, I am the clay.

This statement has really been on my heart for the past week.  I had about an hour and a half of God time a couple days ago and He completely broke me of a lot of things going on in my life.  I have learned a lot about myself so far this summer.  For one, that I am a complete control freak.  I stress about everything and put so much pressure on myself.  I realize that this is the way that God has wired me, so instead of trying to act differently by not stressing or putting pressure on myself, I am trying to embrace it and trying to glorify God through the pressure that I put on myself so that the outcome can be completely for God.  I have also been thinking about my future a lot and what I want to be doing.  Right now, I feel like God is calling me to teach or help train teachers in a 3rd world country after I get done with college.  I have no clue what God has planned, but He has given me a passion for education and He showed me in Haiti how much of a passion I have for helping students in other countries get an education who don't have the money or opportunity to go to school. 
It has been another good week down here at BigStuf.  Louie Giglio and Jared Heard spoke again and many lives were changed.  A lot of students stood up to accept Christ in their life for the first time.  Tonight will be another good night of worship and church group time that will help many students connect to the King.  Yesterday I got to go up on stage infront of all 1,500 students with four other interns and we got to share an experience from Haiti and talk about our trip.  I was really nervous, but when I got up there, God gave me all the words to say and I got to talk about how students in America (including myself) take for granted the opportunities that we have for an education and how so many kids in other countries don't get to go to school unless they have the money for it.
One of the girls on my team, my old roommate Kelsey, got some news the other day that her step-mom had to be taken to the hospital.  She has been sick for 9 years with a disease where the ATP (energy) doesn't get to her muscles.  She was having heart pains, and many people with this disease suffer from heart attacks.  Please be praying for healing for Kelsey's step-mom and comfort and encouragement for Kelsey and all of her family. 
A couple of the interns from last year, Evan and Drake, are here for the week to hang out.  I got to talk to them a bit today and about their summer last year and what they would do differently if they could have the summer over.  They told me just to hang out with all of the interns every possible chance I get.  Also, to embrace every moment together and slow down and let everything soak in.  It was great advice and really what I needed to hear right now!  I am still loving every minute of being here and love seeing God work in all of my relationships here!

Well, if teaching doesn't work out...

I am excited to say that God has shown me a path for my life if teaching doesn't work out.  I am so excited to have a back up plan that I really feel like God is leading me towards.  I know you are all waiting in anticipation to find out what it is, so I will tell you.  My new back up plan if teaching doesn't work out is...Karaoke.  Yep, God has shown me a new talent in karoke.  For those of you who are worried for my future in karaoke, don't worry, it's not actually my back up plan.  BUT I do have a new love for karaoke.  Last night, the interns/staff did karaoke in the big room on the stage with lights and everything.  I sang Lucky by Brittany Spears and I Can Hear the Bells from Hairspray plus a few others.  My friends told me I was born for the stage, I won't lie I had a lot of fun!  We had another good weekend off this past weekend.  It was a fun just to hang out and relax as a group.  It is crazy how close all of us have become over the past month.  (It's our group's one month anniversary today!) Honestly, I never thought that I would be so close with all of the interns and staff, they really are family to me!
 Another group of campers come in today and I am excited for another week to see all that God will do.  It is one of the most beautiful things to see 1500 middle school and high school students worshipping God with all that they have and I can't wait to experience that again this week.  Louie Giglio is going to be speaking here again this week.  He really spoke to the campers last week, so hopefully God uses him to speak to the students again this week.
Like I have talked about before, BigStuf teams up with the 410 Bridge.  In the 410 Bridge, they started a choir with children from Kenya called the Daraja Childrens Choir of Africa.  The Daraja kids come over to the States and goes on tour to sing.  They change the lives of the people who hear them and open the eyes of the people who see them.  They usually come and sing at BigStuf once every week.  This year they are having problems getting the kids over here.  They were supposed to be here almost 3 weeks ago to start their tour but the ministry of education in Kenya won't sign their Visas to come to the United States.  Please be praying for the Daraja Children's Choir and that they can get over here so they can change lives.  Also, please be praying for the Daraja Children's Choir interns.  We have gotten to meet them and they have written us notes to uplift us, they are all super nice and have such a servants heart.  However, I am sure that they are frustrated because they aren't getting to do the internship like they were supposed to be doing.  We haven't heard any of them complain and that is so encouraging to all of us BigStuf interns.  Please pray for encouragement for them to know that God has a plan with all of this.